is a sad day..

i have been service so many year as pianist in the church. but i haven met so embrassed things can happened. Suddenly, i felt myself so lonely n helpless. what i can do..?? i keep on praying to the Lord to let me have a cool mind , seldom down all my mind. and focus on HIM. I am great coz at last i am doing that. but soon it comes up again.. n BOM.. all my frens around suffered.

i decide to give up to service as a pianist at the moment, i hope i can get a clear n have rest about all of this. jus a simple things. hope u ppl can let me rest at the moment. dun force me. i dun wan to let myself to get into more dark place.

i should not blame anyone coz i am the son of the Lord too. all member in the church is ike a big family. why such unhappy things can happened? i should ask myself that is that i am poor in relationship? is that my personality have seriuos problem? thanks a lot to the Lord. coz He lets me have the chance to think about all of this.. may be it is also a trap.. but finally we are all tropped into this trap. it is damn terrible. i not dare to look back. but what can i do?

I still remember a word from somewhere... it is WHAT WILL JESUS DO? the forgive is endless. we need to learn tolerance to all in this world. but i think is still cant.. althought i not really angry but my mouth still continue saying.. that is my big problem.. sometime i really hate myself.. i know God might shake his head.. this son is in sins again. Forgive me father in Lord. Perhaps, in live i have that problem all the time.. make my live keep on problems. Please save me from there, my dear father.

if today Jesus is beside me or if Jesus what will Jesus do on my problems? i am sure He will be more tolerent on that problem.. rather sad Himself but protect HIS enermy. My dear Lord, i really dun have that power as Jesus, i am jus a very normal ppl. For my bad temper, i hope Jesus can forgive me and give my guide on how am i going to overcome all of this.

I really dun know what i am thinking now. jus know it is full of stres. sometime really feel wan close more to the Lord. but i cant.. Pray more is the best way to save myself ... yeah... keep on praying i will ok..

Austin is power... i know Pray is my energy.. YEAH>>> GAMBATE my Lord... U are m WAY, My DIRECTION>.. thanks YOU a lot...